10
Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences
Part
2
We know you can’t wait for your wedding day to arrive—envisioning the first time you see your groom, your first kiss after you proclaim your vows and your first dance as husband and wife. Your transition to newlyweds will be filled with more milestone "firsts" that will strengthen your relationship. Here's how to prepare yourself for all the celebrations (and challenges) that you'll face together down the road.
6. First Time Hosting a Dinner Party
Why It’s Big
This is one of those fantasies of married life
that you may have had for years: You and your spouse welcoming wine
bottle-toting friends into your home, sitting down at an elegantly-set table by
the fireplace, dining and laughing until the wee hours. It's your first time
hosting and using all of those bridal shower and wedding gifts you received to
give your guests a wonderful experience. It might also be your first time
making specialty dishes for family and friends.
How to Deal
Just have fun! Don’t ruin it by putting too much
pressure on yourself, crying because you couldn’t find anise root at the
supermarket or waking up at 3 a.m. to iron the napkins. Expect that some things
will go wrong and you'll just have to adapt. Just keep your first dinner party
on the small side (around six to eight guests), so that it doesn’t become an
ordeal with rented tables and linens, a larger amount of food to prepare, and
the threat of you working all night to keep guests’ drinks and plates filled. A
smaller group for your starter dinner party lets you mix, mingle, and enjoy,
while also being a fabulous host.
7. The First "Flirty Girl"
Why It’s Big
What is it about a man's wedding ring that
attracts random flirty girls? They may try to get your husband's attention at
the supermarket, in a sports bar, or even at a friend's party, for an ego boost
and a little bit of fun. At the start of your marriage, your general insecurity
levels will be tested—will you laugh it off since you're confident he loves
you, or are you the type who goes on full alert whenever someone even so much
as glances in his general direction? That first flirtation is going to light a
fuse, and it could go either way.
How to Deal
The first time a flirty girl comes on to your
guy, give him a smile and say, "I can't blame her. You're the hottest guy
in the room." That way, you've boosted his ego, and the woman in question
just did you a favor. Your husband will love that you're confident in his
loyalty to you. Don't overreact; unless he gives her his number, this is likely
just a chatty woman who acts this way towards all men. If she's a man-eater,
most guys don't react to that act anyway, and you can believe that yours didn't
interpret anything by her casual bump into him at the bar. She may have shot
you a look afterward, but he didn't see it, so don't go ballistic on him. Don't
be that wife: the always-angry one who's suspicious of every woman in the room,
giving the silent treatment in the car or causing a scene when he's just being
polite and engaging in conversation with someone. Insecurity can be a huge
turn-off.
8. Establishing Your First Tradition Together
Why It’s Big
Traditions are shining moments in a
marriage—they give you celebrations to look forward to. Start them now, early
on, so that you can carry them out throughout your happily ever after. Teach
your kids about traditions and someday you'll watch them create their own with
their spouse, all because of you!
How to Deal
Honor established rituals that were passed down
from both of your families (especially holiday-related ones), and create new
traditions of your own. Choose two or three traditions to maintain that you'll
both stay enthusiastic about. Your tradition doesn’t have to be something big,
like renewing your wedding vows every six months. It could be something small,
like choosing a holiday ornament that represents your biggest adventure or goal
of the year. For example, my husband I swam with turtles during our honeymoon,
so our first ornament was a glass turtle. We've added to our collection with
dolphins (a trip to Sea World) and a tomato (putting in our dream garden). Or
you could make a sparkling Prosecco toast on half-anniversaries; anything that
you'll look forward to that represents the two of you.
9. The First Holiday You Split or Host
Why It’s Big
When you were engaged, you may have gone to one
family's house for half of a holiday, then the "other side's" to
continue the celebration. Or you may have just gone to your family's house,
while your groom went to his. Now that you're married, you'll both face the
nerve-wracking question of where to spend the holidays. Will you take turns,
use alternate years, or just invite everyone over to your place? It's important
because there's a lot of relatives who hold onto family tradition dearly and
don't like change. If your families live very far apart, it can be tough to
decide who gets first dibbs on major events like Christmas or Hanukkah.
How to Deal
Before you talk to your families about this—they
may approach you about it months in advance, to get a jump on the
competition—talk with each other about any special circumstances that will help
make the decision easier for you. Perhaps a parent or grandparent has an
illness, or your brother and his wife just had a baby. One family's
circumstances may make it a no-brainer as to which "side" gets to have
you first. Accept the fact that someone might not be happy about changing
family tradition, so you might have a Scrooge at your table. Don't let that
overshadow the importance of this being your first married holiday together. If
you and your husband decide to host, consider this first year an experiment;
you can always switch it up next year. But no matter what you plan with your
families, it's also important to plan something special just for the two of
you. Start a new holiday tradition you'll keep going every year and make your
gift exchange really special, so that the last hours of the holiday are
blissfully yours together.
10. The First Time You Get Scared by Marriage
Why It’s Big
You love your spouse, but let's face it,
sometimes marriage can be scary. At some point, when you return back from your
honeymoon (and into the real world), it might hit you that you're finally
married. Being someone's wife comes with lots of responsibilities, potential
loss (what if they leave or pass away?) and financial obligations. That first
smack of marriage fear can really throw you.
How to Deal
In a great marriage, you feel comfortable
saying, “I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.” It shows the depth of
the love you share for your partner. Make sure you appreciate each other, have
fun together, be kind to one another and continually work at strengthening your
marriage. If you find that the panic doesn't subside over time, and you test
your spouse's love level by picking fights, speak with a qualified, reputable
counselor who can help you figure out what's going on. Negativity and fear can
be offshoots of depression or anxiety. It's always smart to get an expert's
opinion—rather than just confiding in Mom or your best friend—because their
opinion isn't colored by previous experiences with you and your husband. If
couple's counseling is necessary, consider it an investment in your marriage.
Tackle your problems head-on and do the smart thing by protecting your
relationship (and yourself) against destructive thoughts.
Author Sharon Naylor shares expert newlywed advice to keep
you happy long after your wedding day.
