10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences Part 2

10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences

Part 2

We know you can’t wait for your wedding day to arrive—envisioning the first time you see your groom, your first kiss after you proclaim your vows and your first dance as husband and wife. Your transition to newlyweds will be filled with more milestone "firsts" that will strengthen your relationship. Here's how to prepare yourself for all the celebrations (and challenges) that you'll face together down the road.

6. First Time Hosting a Dinner Party

Why It’s Big

This is one of those fantasies of married life that you may have had for years: You and your spouse welcoming wine bottle-toting friends into your home, sitting down at an elegantly-set table by the fireplace, dining and laughing until the wee hours. It's your first time hosting and using all of those bridal shower and wedding gifts you received to give your guests a wonderful experience. It might also be your first time making specialty dishes for family and friends.

How to Deal

Just have fun! Don’t ruin it by putting too much pressure on yourself, crying because you couldn’t find anise root at the supermarket or waking up at 3 a.m. to iron the napkins. Expect that some things will go wrong and you'll just have to adapt. Just keep your first dinner party on the small side (around six to eight guests), so that it doesn’t become an ordeal with rented tables and linens, a larger amount of food to prepare, and the threat of you working all night to keep guests’ drinks and plates filled. A smaller group for your starter dinner party lets you mix, mingle, and enjoy, while also being a fabulous host.

7. The First "Flirty Girl"

Why It’s Big

What is it about a man's wedding ring that attracts random flirty girls? They may try to get your husband's attention at the supermarket, in a sports bar, or even at a friend's party, for an ego boost and a little bit of fun. At the start of your marriage, your general insecurity 

levels will be tested—will you laugh it off since you're confident he loves you, or are you the type who goes on full alert whenever someone even so much as glances in his general direction? That first flirtation is going to light a fuse, and it could go either way.

How to Deal

The first time a flirty girl comes on to your guy, give him a smile and say, "I can't blame her. You're the hottest guy in the room." That way, you've boosted his ego, and the woman in question just did you a favor. Your husband will love that you're confident in his loyalty to you. Don't overreact; unless he gives her his number, this is likely just a chatty woman who acts this way towards all men. If she's a man-eater, most guys don't react to that act anyway, and you can believe that yours didn't interpret anything by her casual bump into him at the bar. She may have shot you a look afterward, but he didn't see it, so don't go ballistic on him. Don't be that wife: the always-angry one who's suspicious of every woman in the room, giving the silent treatment in the car or causing a scene when he's just being polite and engaging in conversation with someone. Insecurity can be a huge turn-off.

8. Establishing Your First Tradition Together

Why It’s Big

Traditions are shining moments in a marriage—they give you celebrations to look forward to. Start them now, early on, so that you can carry them out throughout your happily ever after. Teach your kids about traditions and someday you'll watch them create their own with their spouse, all because of you!

How to Deal

Honor established rituals that were passed down from both of your families (especially holiday-related ones), and create new traditions of your own. Choose two or three traditions to maintain that you'll both stay enthusiastic about. Your tradition doesn’t have to be something big, like renewing your wedding vows every six months. It could be something small, like choosing a holiday ornament that represents your biggest adventure or goal of the year. For example, my husband I swam with turtles during our honeymoon, so our first ornament was a glass turtle. We've added to our collection with dolphins (a trip to Sea World) and a tomato (putting in our dream garden). Or you could make a sparkling Prosecco toast on half-anniversaries; anything that you'll look forward to that represents the two of you.

9. The First Holiday You Split or Host

Why It’s Big

When you were engaged, you may have gone to one family's house for half of a holiday, then the "other side's" to continue the celebration. Or you may have just gone to your family's house, while your groom went to his. Now that you're married, you'll both face the nerve-wracking question of where to spend the holidays. Will you take turns, use alternate years, or just invite everyone over to your place? It's important because there's a lot of relatives who hold onto family tradition dearly and don't like change. If your families live very far apart, it can be tough to decide who gets first dibbs on major events like Christmas or Hanukkah.

How to Deal

Before you talk to your families about this—they may approach you about it months in advance, to get a jump on the competition—talk with each other about any special circumstances that will help make the decision easier for you. Perhaps a parent or grandparent has an illness, or your brother and his wife just had a baby. One family's circumstances may make it a no-brainer as to which "side" gets to have you first. Accept the fact that someone might not be happy about changing family tradition, so you might have a Scrooge at your table. Don't let that overshadow the importance of this being your first married holiday together. If you and your husband decide to host, consider this first year an experiment; you can always switch it up next year. But no matter what you plan with your families, it's also important to plan something special just for the two of you. Start a new holiday tradition you'll keep going every year and make your gift exchange really special, so that the last hours of the holiday are blissfully yours together.

10. The First Time You Get Scared by Marriage

Why It’s Big

You love your spouse, but let's face it, sometimes marriage can be scary. At some point, when you return back from your honeymoon (and into the real world), it might hit you that you're finally married. Being someone's wife comes with lots of responsibilities, potential loss (what if they leave or pass away?) and financial obligations. That first smack of marriage fear can really throw you.

How to Deal

In a great marriage, you feel comfortable saying, “I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.” It shows the depth of the love you share for your partner. Make sure you appreciate each other, have fun together, be kind to one another and continually work at strengthening your marriage. If you find that the panic doesn't subside over time, and you test your spouse's love level by picking fights, speak with a qualified, reputable counselor who can help you figure out what's going on. Negativity and fear can be offshoots of depression or anxiety. It's always smart to get an expert's opinion—rather than just confiding in Mom or your best friend—because their opinion isn't colored by previous experiences with you and your husband. If couple's counseling is necessary, consider it an investment in your marriage. Tackle your problems head-on and do the smart thing by protecting your relationship (and yourself) against destructive thoughts.

Author Sharon Naylor shares expert newlywed advice to keep you happy long after your wedding day.