The Story Behind the Sand Ceremony

Although the age and origin of wedding sand ceremonies is shrouded in history and debate, there's no doubting the abundant symbolism and growing popularity of the practice -- don't expect to see it disappear any time soon. Read on to learn the story behind the sand unity ceremony and to find tips for how to make this tradition a unique part of your wedding day.

The Process of the Sand Ceremony

"Clearly Love" Sand Ceremony Shadow Box 

with Photo Frames

The sand ceremony, in its simplest form, features two glass containers that are each filled with a different color of sand and placed on either side of a larger glass container. The container can be empty or filled with a base layer of neutral-colored sand -- some versions also include an additional small container of colored sand used by the priest or officiant.

The bride and groom then take alternating turns, usually accompanied by a short reading or statement from the officiant, pouring layers of sand into the center container until it is filled. The officiant next caps the container with a cork, wax, or airtight lid. The sealed vase then becomes a colorful keepsake that serves as a powerful reminder of the couple's wedding day.

Sand Ceremony Symbolism

What's nice about sand ceremonies is their elegant symbolism is immediately identifiable. The different colors, of course, represent the individual lives of the bride and groom. Although combined into a single sand ceremony vase, the layers of color show that both the bride and groom have retained their unique identities and personalities. Yet, looking closer, it is virtually impossible to define the exact point where one layer ends and the next begins -- the grains of sand can never be separated. This is a strong and beautiful representation of the "two becoming one" concept that has resonated with couples all over the world.

Create Your Own Look and Style for Your Sand Ceremony

There are, however, no formal rituals or steps to follow for holding a sand unity ceremony of your own. Though they are performed at weddings in many faiths, wedding sand ceremonies are not a traditional part of any major religion. This fact accounts for the large number of variations of the practice -- so many, in fact, that sand ceremonies are often unique to each wedding.

Unity Sand Ceremony Nesting 3 Piece Vase Set

The colors of the sand, for example, are left up to the bride and groom (though sometimes neutral colored sand representing God is also used) and can have deeply personal significance or simply look pretty. There is also no standard size or shape for the containers -- they can be any shape or size, combined with other wedding accessories or decorations, and couples are free to use whatever works best for them.

In the same way there are also no rules about when during the wedding the sand ceremony should be held. The most common time is immediately after the bride and groom speak their vows, but many couples choose to perform the ceremony as an introduction to them. Other couples have even begun to make the ceremony a part of the vows themselves, pouring additional sand after each pledge.

Sand Ceremonies and Blended Family Weddings

One variation of the sand ceremony in particular has become popular among couples with children. During these blended family weddings the children of the bride and groom are invited to the altar; each child adds his or her own layer of colored sand to the container, turning the vase into a symbol of two families coming together as one. Some couples also choose to involve other close family members such as their parents and grandparents for the same reason. The fact that there's nearly no limit to the number of colors that can be used makes wedding sand ceremonies a unique and easy way for couples to broaden their celebration to be about more than just them.

Suspended Heart Unity & Taper Holders 

Suspended Heart Unity Candle Holder

Sand Ceremonies as an Alternative to Unity Candles

Another variation of the sand ceremony, meanwhile, actually excludes the bride and groom. In this version the sand ceremony is used as a replacement for the better known unity candle ceremony, which in some denominations is performed by the mothers of the wedding couple. The process here is essentially the same, though in place of each mother using a taper candle to light a central pillar candle, they pour layers of sand instead.

Regardless of who pours the sand, sand ceremonies are an increasingly popular alternative to unity candles, particularly at beach and outdoor weddings where wind can be a significant factor. The keepsake quality of the sand-filled vase and its durability relative to candles is also appealing, as candles can be more difficult to display at home and may melt or deform over time.

Possible Origins of the Sand Ceremony

Just as the process of holding a sand ceremony has been left up to interpretation, there is no accepted historical origin of the practice -- some have claimed it is primarily a 20th century phenomenon while others argue the practice dates back hundreds if not thousands of years. Sand ceremonies do seem to have first gained popularity among both native Hawaiians as well continental Native American communities, but it is unclear if these groups developed the practice independently from each other or which group did so first.

There are compelling cases for both sides. Hawaiian weddings often take place on the beach, for obvious reasons, and many traditional Hawaiian weddings have long involved the bride and groom scooping sand from around their feet with seashells and pouring it into a shared container. Native American sandpainting, meanwhile, is a well-documented and ancient practice that involves artfully mixing layers of colored sand. Although traditional sandpainting is associated with healing and not weddings, the longstanding use of sand in Native American culture, and its continuing use today, suggests that wedding sand ceremonies may be older than we realize.

A Meaning that Is Universal Across Cultures and Time

Heart Shaped Sand Ceremony Vase Set

Although the exact origins of the sand ceremony will likely never be known, in many ways its blurred history demonstrates just how universal its symbolism is to the nature love and the human spirit. The idea of contrasting colors of sand that are each distinct yet permanently mixed together can be found in other cultures all over the world, from the ancient mandalas of Tibet, to the parlors of Victorian England, to the sand tray art of Imperial Japan, to the ceremonial sand imprints of aboriginal Australia.

The bright colors and simple-yet-majestic meaning behind the sand ceremony makes it far more than a beach wedding trend or a gimmick from a reality TV show. Indeed, regardless of how old the current practice might be, its roots can be traced back to the oldest days of human civilization. So no matter what type of sand ceremony you hold, rest assured its significance will endure for as long as there is love.

10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences Part 2

10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences

Part 2

We know you can’t wait for your wedding day to arrive—envisioning the first time you see your groom, your first kiss after you proclaim your vows and your first dance as husband and wife. Your transition to newlyweds will be filled with more milestone "firsts" that will strengthen your relationship. Here's how to prepare yourself for all the celebrations (and challenges) that you'll face together down the road.

6. First Time Hosting a Dinner Party

Why It’s Big

This is one of those fantasies of married life that you may have had for years: You and your spouse welcoming wine bottle-toting friends into your home, sitting down at an elegantly-set table by the fireplace, dining and laughing until the wee hours. It's your first time hosting and using all of those bridal shower and wedding gifts you received to give your guests a wonderful experience. It might also be your first time making specialty dishes for family and friends.

How to Deal

Just have fun! Don’t ruin it by putting too much pressure on yourself, crying because you couldn’t find anise root at the supermarket or waking up at 3 a.m. to iron the napkins. Expect that some things will go wrong and you'll just have to adapt. Just keep your first dinner party on the small side (around six to eight guests), so that it doesn’t become an ordeal with rented tables and linens, a larger amount of food to prepare, and the threat of you working all night to keep guests’ drinks and plates filled. A smaller group for your starter dinner party lets you mix, mingle, and enjoy, while also being a fabulous host.

7. The First "Flirty Girl"

Why It’s Big

What is it about a man's wedding ring that attracts random flirty girls? They may try to get your husband's attention at the supermarket, in a sports bar, or even at a friend's party, for an ego boost and a little bit of fun. At the start of your marriage, your general insecurity 

levels will be tested—will you laugh it off since you're confident he loves you, or are you the type who goes on full alert whenever someone even so much as glances in his general direction? That first flirtation is going to light a fuse, and it could go either way.

How to Deal

The first time a flirty girl comes on to your guy, give him a smile and say, "I can't blame her. You're the hottest guy in the room." That way, you've boosted his ego, and the woman in question just did you a favor. Your husband will love that you're confident in his loyalty to you. Don't overreact; unless he gives her his number, this is likely just a chatty woman who acts this way towards all men. If she's a man-eater, most guys don't react to that act anyway, and you can believe that yours didn't interpret anything by her casual bump into him at the bar. She may have shot you a look afterward, but he didn't see it, so don't go ballistic on him. Don't be that wife: the always-angry one who's suspicious of every woman in the room, giving the silent treatment in the car or causing a scene when he's just being polite and engaging in conversation with someone. Insecurity can be a huge turn-off.

8. Establishing Your First Tradition Together

Why It’s Big

Traditions are shining moments in a marriage—they give you celebrations to look forward to. Start them now, early on, so that you can carry them out throughout your happily ever after. Teach your kids about traditions and someday you'll watch them create their own with their spouse, all because of you!

How to Deal

Honor established rituals that were passed down from both of your families (especially holiday-related ones), and create new traditions of your own. Choose two or three traditions to maintain that you'll both stay enthusiastic about. Your tradition doesn’t have to be something big, like renewing your wedding vows every six months. It could be something small, like choosing a holiday ornament that represents your biggest adventure or goal of the year. For example, my husband I swam with turtles during our honeymoon, so our first ornament was a glass turtle. We've added to our collection with dolphins (a trip to Sea World) and a tomato (putting in our dream garden). Or you could make a sparkling Prosecco toast on half-anniversaries; anything that you'll look forward to that represents the two of you.

9. The First Holiday You Split or Host

Why It’s Big

When you were engaged, you may have gone to one family's house for half of a holiday, then the "other side's" to continue the celebration. Or you may have just gone to your family's house, while your groom went to his. Now that you're married, you'll both face the nerve-wracking question of where to spend the holidays. Will you take turns, use alternate years, or just invite everyone over to your place? It's important because there's a lot of relatives who hold onto family tradition dearly and don't like change. If your families live very far apart, it can be tough to decide who gets first dibbs on major events like Christmas or Hanukkah.

How to Deal

Before you talk to your families about this—they may approach you about it months in advance, to get a jump on the competition—talk with each other about any special circumstances that will help make the decision easier for you. Perhaps a parent or grandparent has an illness, or your brother and his wife just had a baby. One family's circumstances may make it a no-brainer as to which "side" gets to have you first. Accept the fact that someone might not be happy about changing family tradition, so you might have a Scrooge at your table. Don't let that overshadow the importance of this being your first married holiday together. If you and your husband decide to host, consider this first year an experiment; you can always switch it up next year. But no matter what you plan with your families, it's also important to plan something special just for the two of you. Start a new holiday tradition you'll keep going every year and make your gift exchange really special, so that the last hours of the holiday are blissfully yours together.

10. The First Time You Get Scared by Marriage

Why It’s Big

You love your spouse, but let's face it, sometimes marriage can be scary. At some point, when you return back from your honeymoon (and into the real world), it might hit you that you're finally married. Being someone's wife comes with lots of responsibilities, potential loss (what if they leave or pass away?) and financial obligations. That first smack of marriage fear can really throw you.

How to Deal

In a great marriage, you feel comfortable saying, “I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.” It shows the depth of the love you share for your partner. Make sure you appreciate each other, have fun together, be kind to one another and continually work at strengthening your marriage. If you find that the panic doesn't subside over time, and you test your spouse's love level by picking fights, speak with a qualified, reputable counselor who can help you figure out what's going on. Negativity and fear can be offshoots of depression or anxiety. It's always smart to get an expert's opinion—rather than just confiding in Mom or your best friend—because their opinion isn't colored by previous experiences with you and your husband. If couple's counseling is necessary, consider it an investment in your marriage. Tackle your problems head-on and do the smart thing by protecting your relationship (and yourself) against destructive thoughts.

Author Sharon Naylor shares expert newlywed advice to keep you happy long after your wedding day.

10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences Part 1

10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences

Part 1

We know you can’t wait for your wedding day to arrive—envisioning the first time you see your groom, your first kiss after you proclaim your vows and your first dance as husband and wife. Your transition to newlyweds will be filled with more milestone "firsts" that will strengthen your relationship. Here's how to prepare yourself for all the celebrations (and challenges) that you'll face together down the road.

1. Your First Epic Fight

Why It’s Big

We're not talking about being snippy, here. This is The First Big Fight, the one where you scream, slam doors, and even throw some plates against the wall. You're angry, scared, and feel totally alone. Fights like these can burst your newlywed bliss bubble—you're not in wedding fantasyland anymore. You're in a full-out battle over something trivial, like your husband dumping a skillet into the sink, covered with caked-on scrambled eggs. But it's not really about the eggs: The fight is about pent-up frustrations, including leftover wedding stress, money fears, and adjusting to living together.

How to Deal

You've had arguments before, but you may have noticed that this one felt different; more charged, somehow. Chalk it up to being a learning fight, one where you're doing the good work of marriage, learning how to argue more productively next time. Avoid red flags (phrases like "you always" and "you never") and bringing up old points of contention just to weaken your partner. Whatever you do, don't jump in your car and speed away—testing him to see if he'll chase you—or launch into round two when he's on the ropes. That old adage is true: People don't remember what you said, but they'll always remember how you made them feel. Just go to your separate spaces, unwind a little, then tell your partner you love him, hate fighting, and you're sorry if you hurt him.  

2. First Time Getting Together With Friends After the Wedding

Why It’s Big

You're back to your normal, non-bridal self. You have more socializing time now, so this is a good time to enhance your personal life (and marriage) by spending time with close friends. Depending on your inner circle, you might have a challenge on your hands if you're the first one to get married. Pals might not know how to include you in their "going out to flirt" nights, and angry single friends may even resent your happiness. Friendships may shift with this big change in your life—your relationship dynamic may never be the same as it was pre-wedding.

How to Deal

Accept that your marriage might be a strange first for your circle of friends. Some of them may feel their married-by-30-clock ticking, or become bitter that you have "the perfect life." The truest of friends just need to see that you haven't completely changed and your happiness isn't a threat to them. So when you're invited to girls' night out, show up, even if you're tempted to blow it off. If you make time for friends, you show them that they're still important. Don't talk nonstop about how amazing your wedding was or tell single friends "your time will come." Things have been all about you for a while, so make an effort to be a good listener and supporter. This applies to social occasions with your husband's pals, too: Try to be cheerful, even if you're nervous. Smiles and compliments go a long way!

3. First Major Purchase Buying a House

Why It’s Big

Whether it's a house, car, or remodeling your kitchen, this is the first time you're pairing up on a big purchase. Your partner may be more acquainted with the details, there's unexpected information involved, and your credit score/financial standing comes into play. Yikes!

How to Deal

Before you begin a huge project, you both have to be 100 percent open about your financial position — whether or not you can afford this right now, if you have good credit or bad and if you feel like making this investment right now. You might like to charge full-steam ahead with new projects, while your husband may be more slow and methodical. Compromise and you'll get a crash course in budgeting and working together towards a shared goal. Although this sounds unpleasant, tasks like painting a room, picking out stainless steel appliances and applying for a variance of property codes can actually be fun. You're creating a home together, after all. Another perk: You may get to impress your spouse with something he never knew you were good at and vice versa, as life takes you into new adventures.

4.First Time You’re Asked, “So When Are You Having a Baby?”

Why It’s Big

Depending on who this comment is from, you'll have different reactions. If it's from your best friend, who's blissed-out with her own newborn, you won't take offense. If it's a comment from your great-aunt, who had her first baby when she was 20 years old, it's just a generational thing. If the comment is from a competitive coworker or sibling, things can get tense pretty quickly.

How to Deal

Think of the baby chatter as them wishing you a happy blessing, and a compliment that this person thinks you'd be great parents. Don't make it a problem by overreacting to the topic itself, assigning all kinds of pressures and judgments that reflect how you feel about having a baby. It's a common mistake for newlyweds to interpret too much from these kinds of comments. Just say, "We're not quite there yet, but you'll know very soon after we do!" Then, move on to the next subject.

5.  First In-Law Issue

Why It’s Big

In a perfect world, the in-laws can see how awesome you are, but some brides get stuck in a position where their in-laws just don't like them, or on the flip side, their family just doesn't like the groom. Maybe it was a bad first impression, they favor your partner's ex (ouch!) or just have other issues. Whatever the cause, you keep getting hurt by their nasty comments and eye rolling whenever you speak. You want your groom to take your side...or at least defend you. This is one of those toxic tensions you have to deal with right away, before it gets worse.

How to Deal

Your husband is used to his family's flaws: He's learned how to tune out Mom's criticisms, Dad's elitism  his sister's jealousy. And he just wants you to let their comments roll off your back too. If you stand up for yourself when they strike at you, your spouse may get angry with you for being too sensitive, not respecting them, and so on. Avoiding family parties and dinners also won't work—that's what mean people want, to divide and conquer. After the conflict clears, explain to him that you want to have a close relationship with his family because they're important to him and you need his help making that happen. Ask him for shared topics of interest you can use to bond with them and ask if you can say a quick hello when they call to speak with him. They may still act snotty, but he'll love you for trying! Consider it a gift to him to be cordial when you're with his family. Even if it takes years, your relationship with them may very well grow...or not. But at least you've kept them from driving a wedge between the two of you.

As seen in Bridal Guide

Credit goes to Author Sharon Naylor

Why You SHOULD Hire A Wedding Planner

I’M SURE I CAN DO MYSELF…AT LEAST I THINK I CAN

Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Hire a Wedding Planner

Don' sweat the small stuff.
That's what we are here for.

Stress and sanity! Let’s face it, planning a wedding is hard work! A wedding planner will take on all the stress so you stay sane. Your planner will be the point of contact for all the various vendors and respond to the countless phone calls and emails. Planners are there to remember all the details and ask the right question so you get exactly what you want. Plus, a planner will be there on your big day to make sure everything runs according to plan so you can enjoy every minute.

Treat yourself — Most brides who hire a planner say they did it as a gift to themselves. They understand that planning a wedding is tough and stressful. Why put yourself through that if you don’t have to? Think of a wedding planner as a wedding gift to yourself.

Mishaps – Let’s be honest, as much as you would like your day to run exactly as planned, it’s nearly impossible to make that happen without someone there to run the day. Who is going to make sure the vendors arrive on time, the tables are set according to your vision, the cake isn’t melting, the groom has his pants for his tuxedo, and the groomsmen are where they need to be? On your wedding day, you should be focusing on getting your hair done and putting on that beautiful gown, surrounded by friends and family, not on the phone talking to the DJ who can’t find the venue.

To stay the course — When you first get engaged, it’s so exciting and new, all of a sudden your primary focus is on everything “wedding”. From Pinterest to magazine after magazine, it’s all you can think about. Maybe you know exactly what you want, but are having a hard time putting the pieces together so you are spending every waking second trying to figure it out! Or if you are the opposite and have absolutely NO time to throw together a large scale event. Either way, it’s incredibly easy to get off track. A planner will be there with you guiding you through the rough spots and will make it easy for you to stay on the course to your big day.

Save money – Since planners have so many relationships with vendors, we are more likely to get a better savings for you. We also know what’s important and what is unnecessary so you don’t waste your money on things you don’t need. A planner has planned countless events and knows how to make it work the first time so you don’t have to worry about ordering the wrong table sizes with linens that don’t reach the floor, or order items that are already included in your venues price.

An experienced hand — A wedding planner has been there. Most people planning a wedding have never planned a large scale event and aren’t sure of how many moving

parts there are to a wedding. A planner knows. There are countless details to ensure the entire day and evening run smoothly, if certain things aren’t tended to, it can create quite the mess to clean up. They also know what questions to ask your vendors so you can trust that everything will fit together properly.

Book-keeping — How many vendors do I have? What’s their email? What’s their phone? When is the contract due? What dates are the payments due? When is our next appointment? Who do I still need to book? When is my fitting? Keeping track of all these things is a difficult job. Let a planner do it for you. 

A fresh perspective — Sometimes, all the well-meaning advice can get a little out of hand. You have everyone you know telling you something different about the way things “should” be at YOUR wedding. A planner will listen to YOUR vision and help you create what YOU want, not what your Aunt Matilda wants. Sometimes, advice from a friend is good, but advice from a planner is always great.

Vendor relationships – Part of a planners job is to spend time researching and getting to know the best vendors out there. We plan multiple events at a time and have established relationships with vendors and refer clients constantly. A vendor is more likely to negotiate with a wedding planner since they are sure to refer continuously and give them repeat business. A bride by herself is a one time customer, but a planner is a repeat one. 

Really! We've got your back.

We’ve got your back. Through the whole process, we are here for you. We will be at your side every step of the way and ensure that you walk down that isle looking as stunning as ever with a smile from ear to ear.

A Wedding Costs WHAT?!?! Hidden Costs of a Wedding

A Wedding Costs WHAT?!?!

The Hidden Costs of a Wedding

As a bride and or groom to be, I’m sure you've thought about the costs of your wedding. Exactly how much thought have you really given it though? Have you considered each and every aspect of your special day?  You need a gown, he needs a tux, they need dresses, and the others need tuxes. Don’t forget the venue, and the food, oh, and the DJ, and the flowers and…and…and…STOP! Are you aware that most of those elements of your wedding have hidden costs?

For example, you've flipped through dozens of bridal magazines, clicked through hundreds of photos on countless websites and visited every bridal boutique and specialty store in the area, (and maybe even out of the area) and finally you've found THE PERFECT GOWN, and as a bonus, the price is perfect as well….or is it? Have you considered alterations? Yes, it costs to get your dream gown to actually fit like a dream. Alterations can be costly. According to David’s Bridal a bride should expect to spend between $100 and $500 for alterations to her gown.

Let’s think, just for a minute about the venue. You've chosen the grand ball room at that luxurious hotel for your ceremony and reception. It’s perfect, everything you imagined your wedding venue to look like.  Now let’s consider the hidden charges. Exactly, how much time with the location is included in the cost? (Remember, you may want to have a ceremony rehearsal the day before the big event.) Does the hotel have a catering service? Will you need servers to tend to the food, making sure its hot and replenished as dishes become empty? Or will you have a sit down meal where your guests are served? Servers? Will you have a bar? Bar attendants? During the cocktail hour between the ceremony and the reception to take photos and change the room over from wedding to reception will there be actual cocktails and hors d'oeuvres served? 

I could go on, trust me; I could go on, and on, and on. I cannot tell you how many couples are blindsided by the additional hidden costs of their special day.

After years of experience planning, I checked out Cost of Wedding to get an average cost of weddings in the Hampton Roads and found that their information is rather accurate.

Below, you will find a breakdown of the average costs of a wedding in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia. I hope you find this helpful as you possibly reevaluate the costs of your wedding. 

Wedding Cost Calculator

Attire: $2,137 to $3,450

Bride accessories: $272 to $438 
 Groom accessories: $143 to $231 
 Groom suit/tux: $196 to $317 
 Hair/makeup service: $143 to $231 
 Headpiece/veil: $255 to $411 
 Wedding dress: $1,128 to $1,822

Ceremony: $2,462 to $3,975

Ceremony accessories: $159 to $257 
 Ceremony decorations: $474 to $765 
 Ceremony location: $554 to $895 
 Officiate/pastor/priest: $199 to $321 
 Rehearsal dinner: $1,076 to $1,737

Entertainment: $2,743 to $4,431

Ceremony/reception band: $1,617 to $2,612 
 Ceremony/reception DJ: $617 to $997 
 Ceremony/reception musicians: $509 to $822

Flowers: $1,726 to $2,785

Boutonnieres/corsages: $151 to $243 
 Bride bouquet: $129 to $208 
 Bridesmaid bouquets: $206 to $332 
 Ceremony flowers: $368 to $594 
 Flower girl flowers: $41 to $67 
 Reception flowers: $831 to $1,341

Gifts and Favors: $866 to $1,398

Gifts for attendant: $401 to $647 
 Gifts for each other: $323 to $522 
 Gifts for parents: $142 to $229

Invitations and Stationery: $816 to $1,319

Bridal shower invitations: $85 to $138 
 Guestbook: $41 to $67 
 Invitations & reply cards: $362 to $585 
 Personal stationery: $114 to $184 
 Save the date cards: $140 to $225 
 Thank you cards: $74 to $120

Jewelry: $5,246 to $8,472

Engagement ring: $3,904 to $6,304 
 Her ring: $787 to $1,272 
 His ring: $555 to $896

Honeymoon/Planning: $4,272 to $6,899

Honeymoon: $3,143 to $5,076 
 Bridal consultant/planner: $1,129 to $1,823

Photographer/Videographer: $2,977 to $4,807

Photographer: $1,724 to $2,784 
 Videographer: $12,53 to $2,023

Reception: $13,258 to $21,411

Reception beverages/bartender: $1,879 to $3,034 
 Bride/groom hotel: $236 to $381 
 Cake: $454 to $734 
 Cake knife set: $36 to $59 
 Cake topper: $35 to $56 
 Reception decorations/centerpieces: $908 to $1,466 
 Favors: $303 to $489 
 Reception food service: $6,396 to $10,329 
 Reception location: $2,080 to $3,359 
 Reception rentals: $931 to $1,504

Transportation: $821 to $1,326

Car rental: $256 to $414 
 Limo rental: $565 to $912