10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences Part 1

10 Marriage Firsts Every Newlywed Experiences

Part 1

We know you can’t wait for your wedding day to arrive—envisioning the first time you see your groom, your first kiss after you proclaim your vows and your first dance as husband and wife. Your transition to newlyweds will be filled with more milestone "firsts" that will strengthen your relationship. Here's how to prepare yourself for all the celebrations (and challenges) that you'll face together down the road.

1. Your First Epic Fight

Why It’s Big

We're not talking about being snippy, here. This is The First Big Fight, the one where you scream, slam doors, and even throw some plates against the wall. You're angry, scared, and feel totally alone. Fights like these can burst your newlywed bliss bubble—you're not in wedding fantasyland anymore. You're in a full-out battle over something trivial, like your husband dumping a skillet into the sink, covered with caked-on scrambled eggs. But it's not really about the eggs: The fight is about pent-up frustrations, including leftover wedding stress, money fears, and adjusting to living together.

How to Deal

You've had arguments before, but you may have noticed that this one felt different; more charged, somehow. Chalk it up to being a learning fight, one where you're doing the good work of marriage, learning how to argue more productively next time. Avoid red flags (phrases like "you always" and "you never") and bringing up old points of contention just to weaken your partner. Whatever you do, don't jump in your car and speed away—testing him to see if he'll chase you—or launch into round two when he's on the ropes. That old adage is true: People don't remember what you said, but they'll always remember how you made them feel. Just go to your separate spaces, unwind a little, then tell your partner you love him, hate fighting, and you're sorry if you hurt him.  

2. First Time Getting Together With Friends After the Wedding

Why It’s Big

You're back to your normal, non-bridal self. You have more socializing time now, so this is a good time to enhance your personal life (and marriage) by spending time with close friends. Depending on your inner circle, you might have a challenge on your hands if you're the first one to get married. Pals might not know how to include you in their "going out to flirt" nights, and angry single friends may even resent your happiness. Friendships may shift with this big change in your life—your relationship dynamic may never be the same as it was pre-wedding.

How to Deal

Accept that your marriage might be a strange first for your circle of friends. Some of them may feel their married-by-30-clock ticking, or become bitter that you have "the perfect life." The truest of friends just need to see that you haven't completely changed and your happiness isn't a threat to them. So when you're invited to girls' night out, show up, even if you're tempted to blow it off. If you make time for friends, you show them that they're still important. Don't talk nonstop about how amazing your wedding was or tell single friends "your time will come." Things have been all about you for a while, so make an effort to be a good listener and supporter. This applies to social occasions with your husband's pals, too: Try to be cheerful, even if you're nervous. Smiles and compliments go a long way!

3. First Major Purchase Buying a House

Why It’s Big

Whether it's a house, car, or remodeling your kitchen, this is the first time you're pairing up on a big purchase. Your partner may be more acquainted with the details, there's unexpected information involved, and your credit score/financial standing comes into play. Yikes!

How to Deal

Before you begin a huge project, you both have to be 100 percent open about your financial position — whether or not you can afford this right now, if you have good credit or bad and if you feel like making this investment right now. You might like to charge full-steam ahead with new projects, while your husband may be more slow and methodical. Compromise and you'll get a crash course in budgeting and working together towards a shared goal. Although this sounds unpleasant, tasks like painting a room, picking out stainless steel appliances and applying for a variance of property codes can actually be fun. You're creating a home together, after all. Another perk: You may get to impress your spouse with something he never knew you were good at and vice versa, as life takes you into new adventures.

4.First Time You’re Asked, “So When Are You Having a Baby?”

Why It’s Big

Depending on who this comment is from, you'll have different reactions. If it's from your best friend, who's blissed-out with her own newborn, you won't take offense. If it's a comment from your great-aunt, who had her first baby when she was 20 years old, it's just a generational thing. If the comment is from a competitive coworker or sibling, things can get tense pretty quickly.

How to Deal

Think of the baby chatter as them wishing you a happy blessing, and a compliment that this person thinks you'd be great parents. Don't make it a problem by overreacting to the topic itself, assigning all kinds of pressures and judgments that reflect how you feel about having a baby. It's a common mistake for newlyweds to interpret too much from these kinds of comments. Just say, "We're not quite there yet, but you'll know very soon after we do!" Then, move on to the next subject.

5.  First In-Law Issue

Why It’s Big

In a perfect world, the in-laws can see how awesome you are, but some brides get stuck in a position where their in-laws just don't like them, or on the flip side, their family just doesn't like the groom. Maybe it was a bad first impression, they favor your partner's ex (ouch!) or just have other issues. Whatever the cause, you keep getting hurt by their nasty comments and eye rolling whenever you speak. You want your groom to take your side...or at least defend you. This is one of those toxic tensions you have to deal with right away, before it gets worse.

How to Deal

Your husband is used to his family's flaws: He's learned how to tune out Mom's criticisms, Dad's elitism  his sister's jealousy. And he just wants you to let their comments roll off your back too. If you stand up for yourself when they strike at you, your spouse may get angry with you for being too sensitive, not respecting them, and so on. Avoiding family parties and dinners also won't work—that's what mean people want, to divide and conquer. After the conflict clears, explain to him that you want to have a close relationship with his family because they're important to him and you need his help making that happen. Ask him for shared topics of interest you can use to bond with them and ask if you can say a quick hello when they call to speak with him. They may still act snotty, but he'll love you for trying! Consider it a gift to him to be cordial when you're with his family. Even if it takes years, your relationship with them may very well grow...or not. But at least you've kept them from driving a wedge between the two of you.

As seen in Bridal Guide

Credit goes to Author Sharon Naylor

Why You SHOULD Hire A Wedding Planner

I’M SURE I CAN DO MYSELF…AT LEAST I THINK I CAN

Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Hire a Wedding Planner

Don' sweat the small stuff.
That's what we are here for.

Stress and sanity! Let’s face it, planning a wedding is hard work! A wedding planner will take on all the stress so you stay sane. Your planner will be the point of contact for all the various vendors and respond to the countless phone calls and emails. Planners are there to remember all the details and ask the right question so you get exactly what you want. Plus, a planner will be there on your big day to make sure everything runs according to plan so you can enjoy every minute.

Treat yourself — Most brides who hire a planner say they did it as a gift to themselves. They understand that planning a wedding is tough and stressful. Why put yourself through that if you don’t have to? Think of a wedding planner as a wedding gift to yourself.

Mishaps – Let’s be honest, as much as you would like your day to run exactly as planned, it’s nearly impossible to make that happen without someone there to run the day. Who is going to make sure the vendors arrive on time, the tables are set according to your vision, the cake isn’t melting, the groom has his pants for his tuxedo, and the groomsmen are where they need to be? On your wedding day, you should be focusing on getting your hair done and putting on that beautiful gown, surrounded by friends and family, not on the phone talking to the DJ who can’t find the venue.

To stay the course — When you first get engaged, it’s so exciting and new, all of a sudden your primary focus is on everything “wedding”. From Pinterest to magazine after magazine, it’s all you can think about. Maybe you know exactly what you want, but are having a hard time putting the pieces together so you are spending every waking second trying to figure it out! Or if you are the opposite and have absolutely NO time to throw together a large scale event. Either way, it’s incredibly easy to get off track. A planner will be there with you guiding you through the rough spots and will make it easy for you to stay on the course to your big day.

Save money – Since planners have so many relationships with vendors, we are more likely to get a better savings for you. We also know what’s important and what is unnecessary so you don’t waste your money on things you don’t need. A planner has planned countless events and knows how to make it work the first time so you don’t have to worry about ordering the wrong table sizes with linens that don’t reach the floor, or order items that are already included in your venues price.

An experienced hand — A wedding planner has been there. Most people planning a wedding have never planned a large scale event and aren’t sure of how many moving

parts there are to a wedding. A planner knows. There are countless details to ensure the entire day and evening run smoothly, if certain things aren’t tended to, it can create quite the mess to clean up. They also know what questions to ask your vendors so you can trust that everything will fit together properly.

Book-keeping — How many vendors do I have? What’s their email? What’s their phone? When is the contract due? What dates are the payments due? When is our next appointment? Who do I still need to book? When is my fitting? Keeping track of all these things is a difficult job. Let a planner do it for you. 

A fresh perspective — Sometimes, all the well-meaning advice can get a little out of hand. You have everyone you know telling you something different about the way things “should” be at YOUR wedding. A planner will listen to YOUR vision and help you create what YOU want, not what your Aunt Matilda wants. Sometimes, advice from a friend is good, but advice from a planner is always great.

Vendor relationships – Part of a planners job is to spend time researching and getting to know the best vendors out there. We plan multiple events at a time and have established relationships with vendors and refer clients constantly. A vendor is more likely to negotiate with a wedding planner since they are sure to refer continuously and give them repeat business. A bride by herself is a one time customer, but a planner is a repeat one. 

Really! We've got your back.

We’ve got your back. Through the whole process, we are here for you. We will be at your side every step of the way and ensure that you walk down that isle looking as stunning as ever with a smile from ear to ear.